For that uninitiated, BDSM (which represents Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism) might seem a quirky, perverted and wrong-headed view of life as well as love. In point of fact, many may erroneously believe that it is a life-style choice for people of ill-repute or those that enjoy abusing others (or who enjoy being abused). This couldn’t be further from the truth, and it is an unfortunate viewpoint fostered by fear and ignorance.
Paring it down, BDSM Shop comes in two forms – the variety for lifestyle appreciators, and those that like the kink or fetish part of it. What does this indicate? In lifestyle BDSM, a couple agree to consensually bring the Dominant/submissive (D/s) dynamic within their relationship with a permanent basis. Sexual pleasure does enter into it on occasion, but it is not the main focus of BDSM lived as a lifestyle. Conversely, kink or fetish BDSM only brings it all out at certain times and specially for sexual gratification to both sides.
Neither is far more important or more highly valued compared to the other. Both forms have pros and cons to think about, and just put, one may not be to suit your needs. Despite what some might think, choice is a big thing about this. There is no abuse, no subjugation, nothing that develops without the willingly given permission of both sides. In reason for fact, there are more than some people who ‘evolve’ inside their preferences, going from utilizing BDSM within the bedroom, to living it 24/7.
Practitioners of BDSM are no more amoral or bad than some other person, and the concept people who prefer it were somehow mistreated or abused as children is groundless. It ‘is’ possible, just because it is easy for a blind man to become a doctor, or perhaps a deaf man to try out music or men to sew an outfit or women to shoot a gun, but emotional health insurance and happiness are two of the most important things in the thriving BDSM relationship. Though it may be factual that just what the Dom/me says goes, and is particularly the submissive’s spot to please the Dom/me in all of the things, choice and trust are of the highest importance. In the event the Submissive doesn’t trust the Dom/me to tend to them, to guard them, and act making use of their best interests, or if perhaps the Dom/me simply sees their position as you where they may exert their will upon the submissive without consideration for the Submissive’s desires or needs, then your relationship is doomed to failure.
That said, a D/s relationship, similar to other ‘different’ relationships must be kept quiet. Average individuals have a fear in the unknown. This may manifest in ostracism, contempt, hatred, even violence. Livers of alternative lifestyle choices have endured this for a long time, like those who work in the LGBT community. It may be that keeping it secret intensifies the bdsomop from it, especially for those who live it 24/7. Right out in the open, living and breathing it, while nobody else may be the wiser. Then there are others, who just do not care what society at large thinks, and are generally very open regarding their lifestyle choices.
Politics, social mores plus a general lack of acceptance (especially in the states) will keep D/s practitioners ‘in the closet.’ Sexual experimentation goes a considerable ways towards helping a prospective submissive or Dom/me figure out what feels good, what works to them, and what they want out of a relationship, but with a lot of society trying to tamp upon what seems ‘perverse’, could it be any wonder that a lot of people have issues with sharing their emotions, wants and needs with a potential partner? They spend so much time bottling it up because everyone around them says that those internal everything is ‘wrong’, that sadly, sometimes they think it. But with a company yet loving hand, an experienced Dom/me can work to bring the shy submissive out of their shell, and to thrive.